


Dream

by sacchan



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacchan/pseuds/sacchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dreams can be very cruel to you. Sometimes they show you your biggest fears – like losing a loved one. Sometimes they make your wishes come true – like being with the one you love the most. To decide which is the worst nightmare of those two situations, is up to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dream

_Sakurai Sho, member of the popular idol group, Arashi, passed away on the 26th of September. The exact cause of his death is still unknown, but his agency released a statement about his involvement in a car accident that happened the same night. Thousands of fans were shocked by the news, many of them expressed disbelief regarding the verity of the mediums that first reported it. However the announcement of Johnny’s Jimusho presumably reached everybody by this hour._

Masaki looked down from the television to the phone in his hand. As a member of the Arashi fanclub, he has got the message, too. It was strict, few on the words. _We would like to sincerely convey our deepest sympathy to those, who were saddened by the sudden news of Sakurai Sho’s passing. For now, we would like to ask for everybody’s patience, because at this time, we are unable to make decisions about Arashi’s future activities yet._ There were still a few lines of unnecessary complacency, then it was signed by the members, even though they had nothing to do with the message.

_Aiba Masaki_  
Matsumoto Jun  
Ninomiya Kazunari  
Ohno Satoshi 

And nobody else. The fifth in line was missing. Forever.  
Masaki threw his phone at the TV.

~°~

Documents of inheritance looking cold and indifferent. Discussions of inheritance in front of a public notary looking sad and over-sensible, clearly a fan. Meeting for further discussions of inheritance with red-eyed, devastated parents, who looked exactly like Masaki.

Sho had a will. Of course he had. Aiba had one too, of course because Sho demanded him to do one when they moved in together. Marriage was out of the picture, but they could at least own an apartment together. They could at least mention each other in their wills. 

And now that’s all Masaki had in his hands. Cold and indifferent documents that informed Sho’s parents that they weren’t the only ones inheriting. Actually, they got almost nothing, which seemingly made them both angry and proud. They got 10% of his savings and all the money he would get after the sold Arashi merchandise from now on. His brother got his cars. His sister got his library. Everything else went for foundations that he supported in his life. Masaki knew if he could feel anything, he would feel proud, too. 

Aiba got the apartment and everything in it, that wasn’t something to question, but he made it clear to Sho’s parents, if they want anything from there, they can take it. That is why they met again even after the notary signed their papers. 

They sat in the living room, quietly staring at the things filling it completely. Even though they lived not more than five years here, the apartment was filled with objects that all carried some memories in them. Masaki actually wanted them out. All of them. He wanted out of this flat, too. He wanted to go and not taking anything. Because he didn’t need objects to tell him memories, they were in his head, hunting him ever since. 

Three weeks and four days. 

He stared at his new phone on the table while Sho’s mother stood up to take a look at the things, and he wanted to throw it at the wall again.

~°~

A simple, but warm conference room that made you nervous, no matter how much the designer tried to make it look calming. It was in a police station, after all. The Sakurai parents let him go to the meeting, when they got the details of the accident. They could read the reports, all of them. Sho’s mother gave up after the testimony of the other driver. Masaki at least looked through the technical description. Sho’s father read every letters even in the autopsy report. They were in there for almost an hour, because the old man couldn’t stop reading, he had to absorb every tiny bit of the last information that remained after his son. Masaki guessed, he thought that would help him move on one day. He had no idea how to do that. How could that be possible?

After they parted – Sho’s mother supporting her husband, who seemed completely out of this world, adding more to the meaning of the expression, devastated –, he got in his car and drove all the way to the ocean in Chiba. He walked into the cold water, and went as far as his legs still reached the sand. It was already November, the water was piercing icy needles into his skin. 

He wanted to die. Then he turned back. There was no reason why, his body just did what it wanted, ever since his heart and soul got sucked out of it together with his emotions.

~°~

Nino being in the flat was something he got used to very easily. Well, more like he just ignored it. Nino was there, not doing anything just watching Aiba with his sad eyes. It could have been annoying, but he was occupied with feeling dead inside, so he just didn’t care. Which surprisingly didn’t make Nino angry, either. They both felt way too tired for that.

Except that one time after the press conference. Then Masaki suddenly felt things again. He couldn’t really name or separate them, but his insides were on fire by the time they got home… got the apartment. It wasn’t a _home_ anymore.

“I want you out,” he announced to the younger one the moment the door was shut behind them. 

“No.”

The short answer just added fuel to the hell in him. 

“I can throw you out, if you won’t do it by yourself.” 

Nino tilted his head to the right, looking at him with clear disbelief. _You can’t hurt a fly, why should I be afraid of you?_ He started to take of his suit instead, slowly unbuttoning even the shirt, because he felt like choking in it. Like the suit soaked up all his bad feelings during the press conference. Nino was already half naked, while the other just restlessly paced up and down in the living room. 

“Why are you even here?”

“Because J thinks you will kill yourself.” _Because I am scared shitless you will leave me, too._

“I WILL NOT.” 

Did he really just shout at his best friend? It’s so meaningless now. He wanted to do this at the press con. Into the faces of their managers and producers, into everybody’s face: You are not the one suffering the most. But he had to stand there pretending to be like everyone else, not closer, not more far away to Sho than the other four. He had to talk about losing a colleague instead of a lover. 

He had to talk about Sho. That was the worst, but he still couldn’t be honest to himself. He didn’t talk about him for a whole month if it wasn’t really necessary. Now he had to talk about him in past tense. He had to acknowledge the fact that he is gone. In front of cameras and the whole country. He was mad at himself the most for doing it like this. 

_Sho-chan is not coming back to scold me for crying on TV again._  
Sho-chan is not coming back to say ‘okaeri’ again.  
Sho-chan is not coming back to kiss me and tell me about his day.  
Sho-chan is not coming back anymore.  
Sho-chan is not here anymore. 

He had no idea when he fell to the carpet and started to sob again. He just felt those slim, short arms around himself that weren’t even the tiniest bit similar to the ones he wanted to be hugged by. And that just made him feel even more miserable.

~°~

Nino didn’t leave for two months in the end. By the time he could kick him out, Aiba felt like the younger one completely forgot about his mission and only enjoyed staying where someone always served him.

He was wrong, but Nino knew he had to leave, because he needed that other, silently suffering man to make him feel better, too.

~°~

Masaki woke up as devastated as he felt before sleeping. It was so meaningless. _It’s not like I’m tired or anything._ He had so little things to do since… it happened. So his body didn’t really need sleep, and his mind only demanded it, because it wanted to run away from the reality of the problem.

Sho is not here anymore. 

His lips curled up on one side a little. It just couldn’t be. _Sho-chan isn’t existing anymore_. His brain – _Is it because I am stupid?_ – couldn’t comprehend that fact no matter what. 

So he just got out of the bed instead, and as every other morning – when his life was still complete – stretched his back muscles, then his arms. He went out to the living room while scratching his stomach. 

Then he halted. Then he forgot to breath. Then his heart ceased to beat. 

“Hey, you. I almost went to wake you up.”

Masaki didn’t react. He just couldn’t. The ordinariness of that scene in front of his eyes took his voice away. 

“What’s wrong? Is there a ghost behind me?” There was real fear in the man’s voice. Just like it had to be there. 

Because Sakurai Sho was the biggest cowardice on this planet. Followed right in his back with Aiba Masaki, but that wasn’t the point now. 

Sho was sitting on the couch with newspapers spread in front of him on the low table. The thin paper in his right hand rustled loudly as he turned around to check the window behind him. 

Sho was there. And Masaki’s brain couldn’t comprehend this fact, either. 

“Still sleeping?” asked the older man, already standing in front of his lover, with one hand resting on Aiba’s waist. Then Sho stepped even closer, and kissed him. 

His lips were warm and wet. 

Masaki jerked back just a second later, which shocked both of them equally. 

“What?” the older frowned, and there was a slight irritated semitone in his voice. 

“I… I… just…” He couldn’t figure out anything to say. “Haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

“Last night you kissed me right after you ate that horrendous garlic-filled sukiyaki with natto, nothing can be worse than that,” Sho said, then snorted. 

Sukiyaki with natto? Masaki had a hard time recalling when he ate that. Two months, two weeks and four days ago. In the end the numbers came with strict accuracy. That was the night before the accident after all. And even if he didn’t mean to count the days, his mind reminded him every minute, just how much time has passed since Sho wasn’t there…

 _Sho-chan is here._ And the warmth of his lips was still on his own mouth, just like the touch of his hand on Masaki’s waist. _What is happening…_

“Okay, what’s up? You’re really looking at me as if I were a ghost.”

“I thought you were dead.” First time he said this word out loud, and was addressed to the one that should have been passed away.

“Excuse me?!” Sho raised his voice. Then a little uncertain smile appeared on his lips. “Did you just kill me in your dream?” 

“It… it wasn’t me. It was a car accident.” 

_Sakurai Sho, member of the popular idol band, Arashi, passed away on the 26th of September. The exact cause of his death is still unknown, but his agency released a statement about his involvement in a car accident that happened the same day. Thousands of fans…_

He felt the tears gathering in his eyes as the memory of the news kept going on in his head with bizarre accuracy. 

“Are you really here?” he asked the very much dumbfounded other man. 

“Of course I am here, idiot,” he claimed, then embraced him in a very tight hug. “I am here, can you feel it?”

Masaki could. Sho was warm around him. The arms with the perfect length and strength were hugging him. He wore the tank top that he usually slept in. His hair was still disheveled and looked funny, because he went to bed with hairspray on. He smelled of coffee and their detergent. He was warm and alive.

The younger finally lifted his arms and clung to Sho’s body with so much vigor the man groaned in pain. Aiba couldn’t care about something like that. He wanted to sob, he wanted to kiss Sho, he wanted to have sex with him, because he missed two months, two weeks and four days of intimacy. 

_No, I missed not more than seven hours without him. He is here._

“Do we have time to have sex?”

He had his priorities sorted out. 

“Quick?” Sho asked after a second of hesitation.

 _I have two and a half months’ worth of clogged up sexual frustration, Sho-chan._ “I assure you, it’s gonna be quick.”

By the time they reached the bedroom Sho lost his tank top, but received two scratches on his hips, so painful that he knew they’ll stick around for a few days. He returned the present with his mouth and teeth on Masaki’s collarbone that was teasingly sticking out from under his golden-brown skin. It was the end of September after all, they just got back from Hawaii and their colors didn’t seem to fade yet.

They really managed to be quick. Actually, the younger couldn’t recall much after it, but the pleasant memory of the mixture of pain and pleasure. He was staring at Sho’s reddened face in front of him as the older tried to get his composure back – it made Aiba pretty complacent that it took several minutes. A grin appeared on his face, which obviously made Sho curious, because he raised an eyebrow.

“I like it when you like me fucking you.”

“Language, Masaki,” he groaned, and had to force down the urge to blush again.

“What? This wasn’t making love!”

“You can call it sex.”

“I can only call it fucking, cause I also love the way it makes you blush.”

Sho rolled his eyes, then leaned forward and kissed the man again. Warm, everything was so warm. Masaki wanted to get lost in Sho’s warmth again, no matter they just did that five minutes ago. 

“I love you.” This time those three words meant, _Please, never ever leave me again, Sho-chan._

“I love you, too.” 

Sho kissed him again.

“Do we still have time?”

“Not for sex.” Seeing the other’s pout, he added, “I am hungry.” 

The younger pondered for a few seconds. Sex or breakfast… The equation should have been easy – sex over anything –, but Masaki loved eating together with Sho way too much. Now he understood why Sho said earlier that he wanted to wake him up, even though they still had plenty of time. He wanted food, not really him. Masaki giggled.

“Okay. But we’ll fuck again tonight.” He got a feeble slap and one more eye rolling.

~°~

While Sho got pleasantly absorbed in the leftovers of the previous night – generously avoiding the smelly natto-sukiyaki art piece that Masaki pecked slowly, because his stomach was still full of the feelings of the memory of sex – the younger kept staring at him. He did that even when horrible dreams didn’t make him completely confused about reality, so Sho usually just endured it without a word.

The familiarity of this picture made his chest pang a little with soreness. It could have been any other mornings. Sho enjoying his food, and Masaki enjoying watching him, because nobody could eat with as much delight as Sakurai Sho. Ever since they moved in there, they tried to have at least one meal together in the apartment. Breakfasts were the easiest to accomplish, because their nights were a lot more hectic, so Masaki accurately remembered even the way the sunshine lights up the kitchen at this hour. 

He almost lost this. He could lose this any day. His dream seemed so real, because a car accident could really happen any time of any day to any of us. 

_But was it really a dream?_ It was still hard to believe. He remembered that two months, two weeks and four days way too well even know. He remembered the pain, the desire to die. He remembered every sec–

No. He didn’t remember every second of it. If he really started to think about it, other than that four scenes, he couldn’t recall much. Except that Nino was with him through the whole thing. _It was just a dream._ For a dream, a very logical one, but still just something in his head. _It’s not like I’ve never dreamed something this vivid before._ He just never got Sho murdered before. It’s just natural this hurt more and felt worse than any of them before. 

_Obviously._

“I am not a ghost, so get that expression off of your face. You just fucked me.”

Masaki trembled a little of surprise when Sho opened his mouth, but the real shock came with his use of words. Now that was something out of a dream. Him saying _fucked me._ Masaki smirked.

“I so did. And I will do it again tonight.”

~°~

It was pretty hard after that not to only think about the tempting pleasure that awaited him. But they had to work. Which went on just like any other days. Except the one thing that Masaki started it off with hugging Nino. Who obviously had no idea why – not to mention, he didn’t like to encounter bluntly expressed love like this –, so he kind of got really pissed.

“What are you even doing?” he hissed with utter displeasure.

“I just wanted to thank you.” Masaki’s face was decorated with his biggest smile.

“For what???”

“For keeping me from killing myself after Sho-chan died.”

There was a pause. Then Nino opened his mouth just to close it again without anything coming out. That was again something out of a dream considering his ability to retort in any situations. 

“You really should go and get your brain checked. It’s finally rotted to the chore.” He turned back to his PSP, but still muttered swearwords about the idiocy level of his best friend. 

Masaki just laughed, then with perfect content, because of the accomplished task, he walked up to Sho. He already felt like missing him, no matter they were in the same room, and Aiba was staring at him constantly.

~°~

Which he couldn’t really stop even after several hours. Hours of sweating. They had dance practice.

“Aiba-chan…”

He didn’t even hear the sleepy voice at first, it was way too low. Then Ohno gave him a pinch. “Ouch, Oh-chan what?!” he snapped while scrubbing his side intensely. 

“You’re staring at Sho-chan like you wanna eat him.” 

Masaki tensed for a second, then a wide smile showed up on his face, and he turned back forward. They sat down by the wall with Ohno, because they already mastered the new moves, but Sho still practiced in front of the mirror. Aiba really enjoyed that he could see both his front and back at the same time. The t-shirt stack to his body almost completely by now, and the tracksuit fit so well on his butt... 

Masaki had to swallow really hard. “I wanna eat him. Kind of.” 

Ohno’s giggle showed he understood what he really meant. The oldest and he usually were on the same wavelength when it came to being perverted. 

“Is there a special reason behind your… hunger?”

He tilted his head to the left a little, then pulled his legs up to his chest, and leant his chin on his right knee. He was still staring at Sho, but his expression changed completely. Ohno thought, he could carve his face into stone and it would still show more life. 

“I dreamed something really bad, Oh-chan.” 

Perversion wasn’t the only thing that Aiba and Ohno shared between them. While it was obvious to anyone that Nino was the cheerful man’s best friend, Nino lacked things that he had to find elsewhere. Like an ear that listens to you quietly, not judging, not making you feel awkward, whatever you had to say.

He told about his dream on a small voice, sometimes having long pauses, but without a break watching Sho’s moves. Recalling the memory filled him with dismay again. _Sho-chan is here. Sho-chan is here._ He could convince himself only by thinking about going there to him and kiss his parted mouth as he fought to breathe from the exhaustion. _He is here, close. With me._

“It was the worst dream I’ve ever had, Oh-chan.” 

The older was silent for a while, but Masaki didn’t really care whether he would say something or not. There were many times when he didn’t. Though, at those times, usually the talking alone eased Aiba’s problems. Now that wasn’t the case, he felt the nightmare’s – it was about time to call it that – blues enclosing him again.

“At least, you didn’t wake up feeling like he was back, even though he wasn’t. I can’t imagine worse than that.”

Again, dream-like things. Ohno only adding to his bad feelings. That never happened before.

~°~

The most ordinary part of the day definitely was the fact that they couldn’t go home together. Sho had to stay later for some meetings of an individual show. Masaki couldn’t really do anything with himself in the apartment, as his mood went down together with his energy level. He ended up falling asleep on Jump.

The sleep wasn’t a deep one, he wasn’t really tired, so his dreams were full of nonsense, and kept changing every time he turned around in the bed. Chasing a monster that attacked people with basketballs, going after a pirate group on a ship, trying to catch a wizard who refused many times to make Aiba his disciple. Dreams could be very creative if you read shounen manga before falling asleep. 

However it wasn’t all that hard to find one point that linked all of them together. Always chasing something. In the last one, he did nothing else, but ran after a back, trying to take a hold of the man’s hand in front of him, but failing every time. 

Then he woke up for a kiss. 

“Your ghost is home, don’t freak out, please.”

It wasn’t a bad idea from Sho to tell him to stay calm, because Masaki’s body already started to move to kick the man off from above him. 

“Oh, welcome home, Sho-chan.” As his body was already in the middle of a movement, he only changed the outcome, and hugged the older instead. 

Sho laid down mostly on Masaki with a tired sigh. It was kind of weird that they didn’t start talking right away. A warm, comfortable silence embraced them for long minutes. Aiba had no idea what Sho was thinking about, but he mostly just kept thanking every god out there, because Ohno’s “worst case” scenario didn’t come true. He fell asleep and woke up again with Sho around. _This is reality. Everything is fine._ Why couldn’t he secede from that stupid dream yet? 

“My stomach is telling me that we’re hungry,” Sho muttered on a deep voice. “But my mind says, we don’t wanna move anymore.”

Masaki quietly chuckled, then slid his left hand under Sho’s pants. 

“Let’s fill your body with something else instead of food.”

The older wearily lifted his head just so the other would see him rolling his eyes.

“You didn’t just…”

Aiba grinned widely, then grabbed a hold of Sho’s hair by his nape. That first kiss was dominated by the younger completely, but his vigor won over Sho’s fatigue very fast. He straddled on Masaki’s lap while breaking the kiss only for the most necessary seconds. Breathing got harder as the desire to feel the other raised, and filled their whole body.

By the time Sho sat up, pulling Masaki with him they were both hard, the pulsing sensation in their crotches was nearly unbearable – especially for Sho, who, unlike his partner, didn’t wear a tracksuit, but very formal and tight trousers.

“I need to get up,” the older said in between groans as Masaki’s kept massaging his butt now with both of his hands. 

With a smirk, Aiba moved his hand to his groin. “You are very nicely up already.”

“Yeah, that pretty much summarizes my little discomfort.”

“Rest assure, it’s not that little, Sho-chan.”

As Masaki didn’t show any signs of being ready to let go of him, Sho had to _suffer_ for a few more minutes before being able to stand up. His legs were kind of shaking so standing on the soft bed wasn’t easy, but he undid his belt and managed to get the trousers down to his ankles. Then his legs got more reason to shake. The younger, as he was sitting already, took advantage of the position of his head. Sho’s moans got on a new level of deepness. 

Noises of pleasure. Sweating bodies pressed together while chasing the moment of finally connecting perfectly. Time lost its meaning, Masaki couldn’t tell how long they were moving, only flashes remained in his memory. And the hotness that was Sho’s body around him. 

He buried his face into the older man’s chest as Sho sat in his lap now again. His arms already were burning from the strain of helping him move in a steady pace, but what was that compared to the heat in his crotch? 

“I’m gonna come,” he said with his teeth clenched. “You?”

“C-close,” Sho moaned back, and dropped his forehead on Aiba’s sweaty shoulder.

“Help yourself then, my hands are full of your ass.” He silenced for a very short second only. “Which is full of my–” He couldn’t finish, because of the pain that Sho’s teeth caused on his skin.

After that it really happened in no time. The world ceased to exist for those precious few seconds when everything was nothing else, but white and hot. Two bodies at their peaks just about to fall into the pit of exhaustion the instant they crossed it. 

Masaki still couldn’t move, no matter how much his body demanded to get into horizontal position. He kept his arms around Sho’s waist, hugging him tight, inhaling his smell as his breathing started to calm down. 

“Sho-chan–” He couldn’t finish, because the older cut him off right away.

“It’s funny how much you need to struggle for these few seconds.” His voice was already steady, no sign of the previous heavy panting. Only he sounded a little hoarse from all the moaning. 

Aiba’s brain was not ready for work. “Heh?” Actually it got more and more clouded. 

“Chasing the orgasm. It takes so long and so much effort.”

The younger frowned a little, but couldn’t really form words. He just felt like, that ‘struggle’ is the best part. Even if nothing feels better than the orgasm itself, he enjoyed the way till there just as much. “Ne, Sho-chan–” 

He got cut off again, this time by a slow, lazy kiss, after his heavy head got lifted up. “Don’t talk.”

But he had to say something. He felt like there is something really important here that he had to tell the other one. “Sho-chan–“

Sho pushed him down into the pillows. The bed felt a lot softer than usual. It was like the clouds in his head was already outside, surrounding him, embracing him. “Sho-chan–“

He couldn’t feel those strong arms around himself anymore. He couldn’t feel the warmth either. Then in the end, nothing else left, but that mellow sensation on his lips. 

By the time he was able to open his eyes, there was nothing above him, but the cold white of the ceiling.

* * *

* * *

You could stop here. If you like endings, where you have the chance to decide for yourself, what happened, then don’t read forward. If you would like to suffer a little more, then be my guest for two more pages.

* * *

Masaki turned to his left after pulling the blanket up to his shoulders. No wonder he felt cold when he managed to kick it completely off. _When did I fall asleep?_ He rubbed his eyes a little, then focused on the empty part on the other end of the bed. _Sho-chan already got up?_ A tired grin showed up on his face as the memory of the previous night surfaced in his head. He joked about something like that during sex. _I wonder if Sho-chan could sleep after it just as well as me._

He needed a few more seconds, to be able to turn around and check the clock on the night-stand. With a groan he did it, then his eyes searched for the alarm. He couldn’t see it, because of a paper in front of it. A deep frown appeared between his eyebrows. _A… letter?_

One second.  
Two seconds.  
Three seconds.

The clock ticked behind the paper, but Masaki never got there to actually check the time. By the third tick, he already curled up in the bed, pulling the sheet to cover his head and started to sob. 

The letter was crinkled as if the reader squeezed it too hard every time they read it. It had watermarks on many spots, too, making the neat handwriting less readable. 

_Dear Masaki,_

_This is the strangest thing, I’ve ever done, so I’m kind of lost how to do this properly. Is there a proper way in the first place? I’ve no idea. But I demanded you to write one as well together with the will, so I can’t back off now._

_(Two days passed without me touching this paper.)_

_This is the first time that I write a letter to you. Very bizarre first occasion, but better late than never, right? (I can’t be more late than this…) (Ah, this is so stupid.)_

_I am not around anymore, right? (There is no other way for him to read this, so why the question mark, self?) It’s pretty bad to think about that. Did I die old? Did we grow very old together? Did the world change enough that we could finally get legally married? Did Murao-san reported about my death? (Thinking about it, I don’t want that. If he will… was? still active, then I died young. I hope he wasn’t the one.)_

_(One more day, and I still don’t know how to write a letter from the death. I should have read more fiction books.)_

_You are probably crying right now. I won’t ask for your smiles. I don’t think at all I would be able to smile after you are gone. (I am selfish again, but I hope I don’t need to read your letter…) I’d just wear a frown and an annoyed grimace forever. (I spent five minutes thinking about a life without you.) Yeah, surely no more smiling for me. Ever. I am not strong enough for that. But you are, right? You are suffering right now, but you will get up when enough time passed._

_I hope it doesn’t sound something like a demand. I don’t ask for anything from you, because I don’t want to bind you to the past, Masaki. Suffer, cry, do bad things, if that’s what you feel like doing. You don’t need to pretend to be happy, just because a dead man wished you to be. (Damn, it’s so hard to think of myself as dead.) Your smile will surely come back anyway._

_You won’t forget about me, right? (This is me being weak and scared, yes.)_

_Even if you won’t, please, don’t live in your memories. (I am not making much sense here.) I don’t want to order you how to live your life from now on, but at the same time can’t really restrain myself from asking for some things. Some? No, just one. (I had a break again, trying to figure out what I should say.)_

_Live._

_Please, live, Masaki, then everything is gonna be alright. Give time the chance to heal you as much as it’s possible. I know that nothing else could._

_I love you. Though, I don’t think I am anywhere anymore to feel anything, but I loved you till the last second of my life. (If I didn’t, I was a huge idiot anyway, and never deserved you.) I love you at this time when I’m writing this stupid letter._

_Sho_

_Ps: Decided to not rewrite and take out the things in the brackets, because you like me doing this in my jweb, too. It looks super bad like this, though, sorry._

_Ps2: You won’t read this anyway. I don’t want you to._


End file.
